You Jump, I Jump
by Blue Violet
Summary: A crazy parody of Titanic.


You Jump, I Jump

NOTE: This fic is dedicated to my great e-pal Lil Green. I only hope that she won't find this fic to be in a state much was than dog crap. ^^; Anywayz, this is a Titanic parody and I am wondering why I wanted to write this in the first place. You know why? I have never watched Titanic before. For one thing, I hate Leo Di Caprio and I hate mushy movies.  
  
  


You Jump, I Jump

  


by Blue Violet

  
  
  


One day, the G-boys were spending their early morning as usual... 

"Maxwell! Hurry up and read that stupid paper!" yelled Wufei. "You take such a long time reading those idiotic comics section." 

"It's not idiotic," sniffed Duo. "It is a very nicely drawn and intelligently plotted comics - *gasp*!" 

"What's the matter with you?" muttered Wufei. "Did Sailor Moon lose her underwear or something?" 

"No! Look There's an audition for the movie Titanic!" exclaimed Duo excitedly. "Hee-chan! Let's go for it, ne? I can be Rose and you can be Jack." 

"I have work to do," said Heero monotonously as he clicked away on his laptop that was sitting on the dining table while trying to eat a bolw of cereal at the same time. "I have no time for unimportant stuff." 

"Yeah, you got that right," said Wufei. "That's because only Maxwell here is the only idiot who has the time for all the useless stuff in the world." 

"Please, Heero, please?" cajoled the braided boy, ignoring Wufei. "It would be so cool! Don't you wanna be a movie star?" 

"No." 

"But why?" 

"I don't want to act for the role of a character with a stupid name." 

"Oh. Then maybe you can threaten the director into changing the name?" asked Duo hopefully. 

"No." 

After quite some time of cajoling and pleading and begging and rolling around on the floor and whimpering and wailing and whining, finally Heero agreed. 

"I think it sounds like fun, ne Trowa?" said Quatre, smiling at his lover. "Why don't we audition, too?" 

"For you, my angel, anyhing," said Trowa huskily as he kissed Quatre's delicate hand, making the blonde blush. "Titanic is a tragically romantic story, to star with you in it would be even more romantic." 

The others sweardrop. "That is too OOC for Trowa," said Duo. "When in the world did he become into a hopeless romantic? Heero! Why can't you be like that?" 

"Hn." 

"So, are you coming along to the audition also, Wu-bear?" 

"Kisama! It's WUFEI you idiot! WUFEI!" yelled Wufei, his face like a tomato. "I will not embarrass myelf by auditioning for a totally pointless movie and especially one that's for weak, sniffling onnas." 

"But it says here, that you'll get paid richly," said Trowa as he pointed out the ad from the newspaper. "They'll pay you $1.5 million if you get the leading roles." 

Wufei was sulking but he was doing the math in his head. '$1.5 million.. I can buy tonnes of polish for Nataku! And I can give her a fresh new coat of paint every month!' 

"OK, I'll just go," Wufei finally said grudgingly. "But I'm only doing this or the money." 

~*~*~*~*~* 

That afternoon... the boys were at a big studio that was going to be used for the shooting of Titanic. There was an incredibly huge swimming pool and there was a small ship in the middle of the pool. OK, it wasn't really a ship. It was just a big boat made to look like one. ^_^; 

"Welcome! You guys must be here for the audition!" came a cheerfully, friendly voice from right behind the boys. 

The boys whirled around to face the speaker. "Yeah, that's - WHAT!!!!!" 

"Oh no! It's that no good Blue Violet!" groaned Duo. 

"Onna! What are you up to this time?" growled Wufei. 

"Up to? Nothing. I'm only the director and the script-writer for this production," said Blue Violet innocently. "Why do you always think that I'm the bad girl? I'm a very nice person, you know." 

"Yeah, right,"said Heero sarcastically. "You're such a nice person, that's why you give us stupid roles in your fics?" 

Suddenly... 

"Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrroooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Relena runs around like a lunatic as she screams Heero's name like a banshee. The other women of GW walk in like models on a runway... as they eyed the G-boys hungrily and stare at Blue Violet because this is the first time they have ever seen her. 

"Ah, my little Wu-dragon! How nice it is to meet you here," came Treize's voice and Wufei shrunk in a corner. 

"Get away from me!! I'm not going to star in this dishonourable yaoi and hentaish fic!!" screamed Wufei as he crouched behind a box of props."I'm straight, not gay!!" 

"Oh Wufei, that's wonderful, we can be together then," Sally said seductively. 

Wufei screamed like a sissy as Zechs, Treize and Sally cornered him. Everybody else sweatdropped. 

"Oh, goody! Looks like all the G-boys, the G-girls and the G-villains are here!" said Blue Violet gleefully. "OK, then. We're going to start the audition now!!" 

~*~*~*~*~* 

**Production: Titanic.. Scene: The jumping off the ship scene...Take: 1...Starring: Heero and Relena**

BV: OK, the first pair to try this part is Relena and Heero. 

Duo: Nani!! I thought I was supposed to do this scene with Heero!! 

BV: Ahem. I'm the director _and_ the writer here. You turn will be up so soon. All the pairs to audition for this scene is being chosen randomly. 

Duo: *mutters* Hmmpphhh.. yeah, right. Random my foot. I'm sure she's only doing that to piss me off cos I know she's gonna pair Quatre with Trowa. 

BV: Did you say something?? 

Duo: Oh, um, I was just talking to myself. 

Relena: You jump, I jump. 

Heero: No, Rose. You jump first, _then_ I'll jump. 

Relena: OK then, let's jump together. 

Heero: No. You jump cos I don't want you near me!! *kicks Relena off the ship* 

*splash!!* 

Relena: Heeeerrrrooooo!!!!! What did you do that for? *sniffles* 

Heero: Muahahahaha!!! Ninmu kanryo. 

BV and Duo :Muahahahahaha!!! 

Dorothy: Relena-sama! I'll save you!! *jumps into the pool to save Relena* 

BV: CUT!!!  
  
  


**Production: Titanic...Scene: The jumping of the ship part...Take: 2...Starring: Duo and Wufei**

Wufei: *glares* Kisama. Why do I have to try out this scene with you? And with a boy nevertheless. 

BV: Quit talking and ACTION!!! 

Duo: You jump, I jump. 

Wufei: No, you go first. A true honourable gentleman always stays last. 

Duo: No, it's OK. YOU can go first. 

(They squabble for nearly half an hour and when they finally realized it, the ship had allready sunk and they were in the water...) 

Duo: Help! I can't swim!! Heero, save me!! 

Wufei: Waaaahhh!! I can't swim either!!! 

BV: Muahahahaha!! Here catch. *tosses them two balloony thingies kids use for swimming* 

Wufei: Onna! This one has no air in it at all! *flails wildly* 

BV: You're supposed to blow it up yourself. 

Duo: Waaaahhh!! Heero!! Hurry up and save me!! 

Heero: Muahahaha! No more braided bakas to disturb me and my precious work after this!! 

Duo: Hidooooiiiiii!! 

(Wufei and Duo nearly drown and had to be taken to the ER for some medical attention..)  
  
  


**Production: Titanic...Scene: The jumping off the boat scene...Take: 3...Starring: Zechs and Treize**

BV: OK, since Zechs has the long hair, I want you to act as Rose. 

Zechs: That's fine with me. As long as I get the role and the money. You know, hair essentials are so expensive these days. Guess what? The price of Pantene shampoo has become so expensive, I had to resort to using the free hotel shampoos! 

BV: Shuddap and start acting!! 

Treize: If you'll jump, I'll jump too! 

Zechs: Uh, wasn't I supposed to say that and wasn't the line supposed to be said differently? 

Treize: How would I know? BV's the one who wrote this script and she has _never_ watched Titanic. 

Zechs: Ah, who cares anyway? Let's just jump into the water. 

*SPLASH!!!* 

Zechs: Aaaaahhhh!!! There's seaweed in my hair!! How can there be seaweed in the pool?? 

BV: *shrugs* I thought that it would make the pool seem more like the ocean. Oh and I forgot to mention that there are sharks and those funny prickly-balloony fish in there. 

Zechs and Treize: Sharks? AAAHHHH!!! 

Wufei: Muahahahaha!! Now there will be no more horny Treize and Zechs chasing after me! 

Sally: But you forgot... Wu-honey. There's still ME. 

(Sally strikes a sexy pose in her playboy-bunny suit with a lot of flesh to see and Wufei faints from having a giant bloody geiser sprouting from his nose. Nevertheless, the poor Wu-man had to be rushed to the ER again for blood loss.) 

**Production: Titanic...Scene: The jumping off the ship part...Take: 4...Starring: Trowa and Quatre**

Duo: See? I told ya guys that Trowa and Quatre would be the only ones who'll be paired up correctly for this part! No fair! No fair! This is INJUSTICE!! 

Wufei: *glares* Hey!! That's my line! 

Quatre: If you'll jump, I'll jump too. 

Trowa: No, there isn't enough space for the both of us on that lifeboat *suddenly the camera focuses on the stupid blowup boat with colourful patches all over*. You should get on it and be brought safely to land. 

Quatre: Then what about you? 

Trowa: I will stay here and think about you till the second I shall die. 

Quatre: *eyes sparkly* Trowa! 

Trowa: Quatre! 

Quatre: Trowa! 

Trowa: Quatre! 

(The scene shows the sun setting in the background and the air around the two is fiery and sparkly... then suddenly the ship sinks to the bottom of the ocean, uh, pool.) 

Quatre: Waaahhhh!!! I thought you loved us, Blue Violet! I thought you loved me! 

Trowa: *glaring* You made my Quatre cry! You will pay for this!! 

(Magically, Trowa jumps out of the pool along with Quatre and they land on BV's head. And they sit there for two and a half hours while BV struggles to breath and squirm away from Trowa and Quatre's butts.) 

Duo and Wufei: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! CUT!! 

In the end.. this stupid production had to be called off because a stupid person called Blue Violet whose head was stepped on by Trowa and Quatre and then dunked into the pool ten times while unconscious by Duo and Wufei was sick and exhausted from having too many things to take care of. Plus, she is not allowed to write anymore fanfics because Heero had ripped up her License of Fanfic Writing. 

THE END. 

Noin: Hey!! How about the rest of us? We haven't even tried out for the movie yet!!] 

Lady Une: Yeah! I was planning to act in a scene with my beloved General Treize! 

Zechs: PLUS, I haven't paid BV back for forcing me to act in this stupid fanfic of hers! It's bad enough that I had to clean toilets filled with barf in that Cinderella fic, this time I had seaweed in my hair and now it smells like a dead fish!! 

BV: Well, I think the readers are tired of reading my fics anywayz and this movie won't be a hit anyway plus I am broke so that means there is no budget for this movie. Deal with it. 

After much bickering and arguing and complaining and ranting and raving and grumbling and swearing and muttering and all that.. BV has gladly retreated to her messy bedroom and went to bed and had wonderful dreams of pretty ponies playing in a meadow. So, this fic had a happy ending after all! 

Again, THE END. 

Yeah!! I can now retire from fanfic writing!! My fics sure suck and there are plenty of great fanfic writers so losing BV won't be such a loss, ne? Anyway, I'm sure this fic is very flame-worthy so if you wanna flame me, send your flames to [blue_violet@gundamwing.org][1]. 

  
  
  
  


[Back to Blue Violet's Fics][2]

   [1]: mailto:blue_violet@gundamwing.org
   [2]: blueviolet.html



End file.
